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Heterogeneous Spectacles

La Réunion (again) with LINES Ballet

I don’t do second takes. I don’t revisit. The world’s too big, too full of places I haven’t screwed up yet, haven’t disappointed myself in. But La Réunion? La Réunion gets a pass.

First time around, I barely scratched the surface of this French-African-Indian Ocean fever dream floating off Madagascar’s coast. This time, I’m back with LINES Ballet and Robert Rossenwasser, and we’re chasing dancers through rainforests that smell like the earth’s first breath. We’re stupid with ambition, drunk on the impossible: capturing bodies in motion against waterfalls that have been falling since before any of us decided art mattered.

Babatunji Johnson, LINES Ballet, Reunion Island
Here’s the thing that breaks my brain: they’re performing Pole Star, and the video projections dancing behind the dancers? I shot those. Years ago. On this same island. So I’m watching my own images… waterfalls, volcanic rock, that particular quality of light that only exists here, made into something larger, folded into choreography, given new life by bodies moving through space. It’s recursive. It’s unsettling. It’s kind of perfect.

And then they showed me the exhibition. Large C prints of my photographs, mounted, framed, hung on actual walls like I knew what I was doing. I wasn’t ready for that gut-punch. You spend your life looking through a viewfinder, and you think you know what you’ve made. Then you see it big, outside yourself, and something shifts. They’re beautiful in a way I didn’t quite believe when I pressed the shutter. Moving, even. Especially the waterfalls, the fog in the mountains. Who knew?

Adji Cissoko, Shuaib Elhassan, LINES Ballet, Reunion Island, ballet photography

The thing about shooting dancers at elevation, in the clouds, literal clouds rolling through volcanic mountains, is that it’s profoundly idiotic. It’s also transcendent. Watch a perfectly trained human body extend, balance, defy physics on a ridge where the fog is so thick you can’t see three feet ahead, and tell me there’s a god. I dare you.

Between setups, we’re stopping at a banana plantation where the light hits the leaves like Vermeer had a say in it. The dancers stretch against rows of green going on forever, and I’m thinking about colonialism, agriculture, beauty built on complicated histories, the stuff that should make you uncomfortable but instead just is.

I was wrong to think once was enough. Some places demand you come back. Some islands won’t let you leave, not really.

Besides, there was a strangely calming element of cosmic beauty in the hypnotic landscape through which we climbed and plunged fantastically. Time had lost itself in the labyrinths behind, and around us stretched only the flowering waves of faery and the recaptured loveliness of vanished centuries—the hoary groves, the untainted pastures edged with gay autumnal blossoms, and at vast intervals the small brown farmsteads nestling amidst huge trees beneath vertical precipices of fragrant brier and meadow-grass. Even the sunlight assumed a supernal glamour, as if some special atmosphere or exhalation mantled the whole region. I had seen nothing like it before save in the magic vistas that sometimes form the backgrounds of Italian primitives. Sodoma and Leonardo conceived such expanses, but only in the distance, and through the vaultings of Renaissance arcades. We were now burrowing bodily through the midst of the picture, and I seemed to find in its necromancy a thing I had innately known or inherited, and for which I had always been vainly searching.
H. P. Lovecraft

Gallery Exhibit Dance

How funny things are! You go to those museums and galleries and think what a damned bore they are and then, when you least expect it, you find that something you’ve seen comes in useful. It shows art and all that isn’t really waste of time.
W. Somerset Maugham, Theatre

Adji Cissoko, moving through a gallery of my photographs that are themselves images of dancers moving through volcanic rock and waterfall mist, which is the kind of recursive loop that should feel like performance art bullshit but somehow doesn’t, because somewhere in there is something real, something that matters, even if I’m too jaded or too tired or too fucking smart for my own good to admit it.



I’ve spent years, years now, following these bodies as they defied gravity and geology, staging them against basalt and fog like I was trying to prove something about permanence and impermanence, about flesh against stone, about grace as a middle finger to entropy. And now one of those bodies is back, dancing among the evidence of its own former dancing, creating new ghosts in a room full of captured ghosts.

The Somerset Maugham quote at the top is almost too perfect in its modesty: “art and all that isn’t really waste of time.” Almost. Because what I’m really talking about here is the compulsion to document the undocumentable, to freeze what only exists in motion, to make monuments out of moments, and then, in some dream of meta-textual brilliance, to put a living dancer back into the frame, to prove that the original impulse wasn’t dead, wasn’t just nostalgia, wasn’t just another gallery opening with wine and cheese and people pretending to give a shit.

Jamie Lyons, Gallery Exhibit Dance, Exhibition sign

Translation: Photographer and videographer (but also director, teacher and researcher), Jamie Lyons has been pursuing fraternal companionship for several years with choreographer Alonzo King.

During his first visit to Reunion, he followed the company in its explorations of the wild and basaltic landscapes of our island which inspired the sublime  Pole Star . Armed with his camera and a camera, he captured and staged his dancers in the natural settings of the Niagara waterfall, Mafate or Piton de la Fournaise to draw a series of snapshots and sketches where the rock, mist and emerald of great dreams frame the grace and energy of bodies.

A magnificent dance walk in these natural monuments that we rediscover here, more beautiful than ever, through an inspired and unique American perspective.

Gallery Exhibit Dance

Roble Dance Rehearsal

Chocolate Heads, Aleta Hayes, Stanford Arts, Stanford TAPS

Theater and Performance Studies, Stanford Theater Program, Roble Gym, Stanford Dance

Chocolate Heads, Aleta Hayes, Stanford Arts, Stanford TAPS

And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music.
Friedrich Nietzsche

Chocolate Heads’ rehearsal in Roble dance studio…

Henry Cowell Redwoods State Park

I’m not going to bullshit you about some mystical awakening or whatever the fuck people claim happens when they see big trees. But laying there on a bed of redwood needles looking up at five month old Charlie, this tiny perfect human who somehow shares my DNA, held by Lindsey in that cathedral of redwoods? Yeah. That does something to me.

These trees were here before Columbus was a mistake, before the railroad cut through, before anyone thought to pave paradise and put up a parking lot. They’ve outlasted empires, wars, countless human dramas that seemed so goddamn important at the time. And here’s this kid, brand new, knowing absolutely nothing about how hard everything is about to be, how beautiful and terrible and confusing life gets.

Whatever cosmic dice roll landed me here, with this woman who somehow tolerates my shit, holding our son under trees that have seen everything and judged nothing, it’s obscene good fortune. I’ve burned through way too many chances like matches, and yet here I am.

Seneca wrote about these groves striking you with the presence of deity. I’m not much for gods, but I get it. There’s something about scale, temporal and physical, that puts your insignificant ass in perspective. Charlie doesn’t know he’s lucky yet. He doesn’t know these trees are ancient or that his mother is beautiful or that his father is a deeply flawed man having an unearned moment of grace.

But I know. Laying there on my back, I knew. The luckiest thing isn’t the trees or even the moment itself. It’s that somewhere along the line, despite everything, I got to be here. To witness this. To be part of something bigger than my own stupid noise.

How lucky am I?

Impossibly, inexplicably, undeservedly lucky.

Henry Cowell Redwoods State Park, Lindsey Dillon, Charlie Lyons

When you enter a grove peopled with ancient trees, higher than the ordinary, and shutting out the sky with their thickly inter-twined branches, do not the stately shadows of the wood, the stillness of the place, and the awful gloom of this doomed cavern then strike you with the presence of a deity?
Seneca the Elder

Young and Pretty

Look at this photograph. Lindsey with Charlie at four and a half months. I took this picture and I remember thinking: I need to capture this. Not for Instagram, not for the baby book, not for some future slideshow at his wedding. I needed it for him. For later. For when he’s fifteen or twenty-five or forty and he looks at his mother and sees only “mom”… the person who nags him about homework or worries too much or doesn’t understand whatever bullshit he thinks is important at the time.

Lindsey Dillon, Charlie Lyons, Young and Pretty, New mother portrait photography gratitude, Willa Cather My Antonia motherhood, Young and pretty mothers before motherhood, Family portrait documentation love, Early motherhood four months postpartum, Intimate family photography parental perspective

Sometimes,” I ventured, “it doesn’t occur to boys that their mother was ever young and pretty. . . I couldn’t stand it if you boys were inconsiderate, or thought of her as if she were just somebody who looked after you. You see I was very much in love with your mother once, and I know there’s nobody like her…
Willa Cather, My Ántonia

Willa Cather got it right. Boys don’t naturally understand that their mothers were ever young and pretty. That they had lives before the kid showed up and made everything about him. That they were loved, desired, complicated human beings with their own stories and fears and dreams that had nothing to do with being someone’s mother.

I look at Lindsey in this photograph, young, beautiful, completely absorbed in our son, and I think: he needs to know this. Someday, when he’s being an asshole teenager or a self-absorbed twenty-something, he needs to remember that his mother was this person. Is this person. That I was very much in love with her once. Still am. That there’s nobody like her.

You might know this, but nobody bothered to tell me, but being a parent, it’s the most relentlessly unglamorous thing I’ll ever do. It’s exhaustion and repetition and the slow erosion of the person I used to be. It’s watching someone you love disappear into an endless cycle of feeding and changing and soothing and trying to remember who they were before this small tyrant took over their/your entire existence.

And yet. Look at her. Four and a half months in and she’s already better at this than I’ll ever be. She’s found some reservoir of patience and grace that I don’t possess. She makes it look so easy even though I know, I see, how hard it is. How tired she is. How much she’s given up.

The beauty in this photograph isn’t just her face or the way the light hits or whatever technical aspects make it work as an image. It’s the moment itself. It’s her complete presence with him. The way Charlie’s the only thing in the world that matters, which in that moment, he is.

I don’t deserve this. I’ve never deserved this. The universe doesn’t usually work this way, giving broken, cynical bastards second chances at being decent human beings. But somehow, inexplicably, she saw something in me worth keeping. Worth building a life with. Worth making a child with.

Charlie’s going to grow up. He’s going to take her for granted the way all kids take their mothers for granted. He’s going to be inconsiderate and self-centered and forget that she has needs and wants beyond making sure he’s fed and safe and happy. That’s what kids do.

But I can leave him this photograph. And when he’s old enough to understand it, I’m going to tell him: Your mother was young and pretty. She still is. I was very much in love with her once. I still am. There’s nobody like her.

She remade herself into someone who could love you unconditionally while still maintaining some fragment of who she was before. She did this without complaint, without keeping score, without demanding the recognition she deserves.

So be kind to her. Be grateful. Remember that she was a whole person before you existed, and she’s still that person now, even though you can’t always see it through the lens of your own needs.

Look at this photograph, Charlie. This is your mother at four and a half months into the hardest job she’ll ever have. This is what love looks like when it’s real. This is what I almost missed. What I could have fucked up through fear or selfishness or sheer stupidity.

This is how lucky we both are.

Theatre History Studies

So I’m screwing around on Google Scholar, because that’s what you do when you’re procrastinating on real work, and there it is. My photograph. We Players’ Macbeth at Fort Point, 2014. On the cover of Theatre History Studies. Published by the University of Alabama Press. An actual academic journal with peer review and footnotes and all the institutional weight that comes with being deemed worthy of scholarly attention.

My first thought isn’t pride or excitement. It’s: how the fuck did they even get that photo?

I’m glad they used it. It’s a good shot, Fort Point, that brutal concrete fortress under the Golden Gate Bridge, actors performing Shakespeare in a space that was built to repel Confederate warships. Site-integrated theater at its best, the kind of work that makes you remember why performance matters when it’s done right. The image captured something real about that production, about the collision of history and art and architecture.

But nobody asked. Nobody reached out. Nobody said, “Hey, we think your work belongs on the cover of our journal dedicated to preserving and analyzing theater history.” They just… took it. Found it somewhere, decided it was the right image, and ran with it.

Which is both flattering and deeply weird.

Here’s the thing about academic publishing: it moves at a glacial pace. By the time this issue came out, that production was ancient history. The actors had moved on. We Players had done other shows. I’d mounted and shot countless other performances. And yet some editor thought: yeah, this one. This belongs on the cover.

That’s validation, right? Not the kind you ask for or campaign for or even know about until Google Scholar accidentally reveals it. Just quiet recognition from people whose job is to think seriously about theater, about performance, about what’s worth preserving and studying and presenting to the academic world.

Theatre History Studies, We Players, Shakespeare, Macbeth, Fort Point, site specific theater

Well, we’re big rock singers
We got golden fingers
And we’re loved everywhere we go
We sing about beauty and we sing about truth
At ten thousand dollars a show
We take all kinds of pills that give us all kind of thrills
But the thrill we’ve never known
Is the thrill that’ll getcha when you get your picture
On the cover of the Rollin’ Stone
wanna see my picture on the cover
wanna buy five copies for my mother
wanna see my smilin’ face
On the cover of the Rollin’ stone (Theatre History Studies)

Dr. Hook and the Medicine Show sang about wanting to see their picture on the cover of Rolling Stone. Wanna buy five copies for my mother, wanna see my smiling face. That song’s about desperate hunger for recognition, for fame, for proof that you matter. This is different. This is discovering you already mattered to someone, somewhere, and you didn’t even know it.

I’m not gonna lie, it’s fucking cool. In a quietly satisfying way that has nothing to do with Instagram likes or exhibition openings or any of the usual metrics we use to measure whether our work means anything. This is the University of Alabama Press saying: this image captures something essential about contemporary theater. This deserves to be on our cover.

Even if they never bothered to tell me about it.

Sophocles In Time of Need

In Time of Need, Watsonville, Sophocles, tragedy, William Weeks Victorian architecture, The Redman-Hirahara Hou

The Fragment

For … shines out in time of need like fine bronze; but if the house is neglected, it collapses.

California doesn’t get summer storms. Not real ones. The state runs on a different weather pattern, a different logic. Dry summers, wet winters, and nine months of the year where rain is something you vaguely remember like a dream or a rumor.

But sometimes the system breaks. Sometimes in July you wake up at dawn and there’s weather happening. Real weather. Clouds moving, moisture in the air, the sky doing things it’s not supposed to do in summer.

So I’m standing there at 6:50 in the morning outside Watsonville, in the middle of industrial farmland, in the middle of a rare summer storm, with the sun rising behind me casting this weird golden light through the clouds onto an abandoned house that once upon a time must have been something magnificent.

The Redman-Hirahara Farmstead. Built in 1897. Queen Anne Victorian designed by William H. Weeks, the guy who built half of California’s most beautiful buildings. Commissioned by James Redman, sugar beet farmer, back when sugar beets meant money and this valley was printing fortunes.

You can see it in the bones. The architecture. The scale. This wasn’t some farmworker shack. This was a statement. This was someone saying I’ve made it, I’ve arrived, I’m building something that will last.

And here’s the thing: it did last. Through everything. Through the death of Redman in 1921. Through the sale to the Hirahara family in 1937, making them one of the first Japanese-American families to own farmland in the entire country. Through Executive Order 9066 in 1942, when the family got shipped to internment camps in Arkansas while their neighbors, people like attorney John McCarthy, protected the property. Paid the taxes. Kept it alive. Kept it waiting for them.

The Hiraharas came back in 1945. To a house that was still theirs. To a community that mostly hated them for having the audacity to come back. People shot at this house. Actually shot at it. Gas stations refused to sell them fuel. Grocery stores turned them away. Except one shop in Pajaro that would let them come to the back door at night, in secret, to buy food like criminals buying something illegal instead of families buying bread.

And what did the Hiraharas do with this house that had been protected, that had been maintained, that had shined like fine bronze when they needed it most? They converted the barn into apartments. They took in other Japanese-American families who had lost everything. Who had no homes to return to. They gave them shelter and jobs and a chance to start over.

That’s the house shining like fine bronze. That’s the fragment made real. Sophocles wrote it twenty-five hundred years ago: “For … shines out in time of need like fine bronze; but if the house is neglected, it collapses.”

The house served. For decades. The Hirahara family lived there until 1989, when the Loma Prieta earthquake made it uninhabitable. And then? Then everyone walked away. A foundation tried to restore it in 2005, went bankrupt in 2009. Elite Development bought it in 2015 and let it rot. In August 2025, it got delisted from the National Register of Historic Places. Which is bureaucratic speak for we’re clearing the way to demolish it.

And here’s the kicker: down the road, there’s an abandoned power plant. Inside it, they installed battery storage. The future. Clean energy. Except they neglected it too. And recently? It caught fire. The future, burning in an abandoned past, because nobody maintained it either.

Standing there in the storm, in the farmland, watching the sunrise illuminate this beautiful corpse of a building, you realize that’s the whole sick poetry of it. This house survived everything. Survived being built in 1897. Survived the death of its first owner. Survived being sold to Japanese immigrants. Survived internment. Survived racism and gunshots and systematic exclusion. Survived because people chose to maintain it, to protect it, to make it shine like fine bronze when it was needed most.

And now? Now that nobody needs it? Now that the story is inconvenient? Now that the land is worth more than the history? It’s collapsing. Exactly like Sophocles said it would.

The 19th century estate collapsing in the strawberry fields. The 20th century power plant abandoned and rotting. The 21st century batteries catching fire inside the corpse of the old infrastructure. Layer after layer of neglect, each generation building something or protecting something or valuing something, and then the next generation walking away, convinced the story doesn’t matter, the structure doesn’t matter, the effort doesn’t matter.

But it does matter. This house matters. It matters that McCarthy protected it during the war. It matters that the Hiraharas came back to it. It matters that they sheltered other families in it. It matters that it stood as proof that some things, some places, some stories are worth maintaining even when it’s hard, even when it’s expensive, even when nobody’s looking.

And it matters that we’re letting it collapse now. That’s the other half of the fragment. That’s the warning Sophocles left us. Neglect the house and it collapses. Not metaphorically. Actually collapses. And once it’s gone, all that shining bronze, all that time of need, all that resilience and community and protection and return, it’s gone too.

Nothing material lasts unless we make it last. The divine doesn’t need our walls, but the story does. The history does. The proof that we were better once, that we chose to maintain something, that we let it shine when it mattered most.


This piece: I incorporated a text fragment from one of Sophocles‘ lost tragedies to an image of an abandoned house outside Watsonville. Informally, the piece is called In Time of Need. This work is part of a larger project called IOTA that brings to life the remaining textual fragments of the lost plays of Aeschylus, Sophocles, and Euripides. Fragment meeting fragment. Collapse documenting collapse. The ruined text speaking to the ruined house, the abandoned power plant, the burning batteries. All of it neglected. All of it collapsing.

The face lights up

Here’s a public bathroom confession: staring at that light bulb with its accidental face is the most honest moment you’ll have all day. That smudged, glowing thing sees you, really sees you, in ways you’ve been avoiding. Sartre knew it. That slow dissolution when you look too close, when familiar becomes alien. We spend our whole lives running from mirrors, from porcelain ledges, from those quiet moments when the machinery of self-deception stops humming. But there it is: a 60-watt truth in fluorescent purgatory. The face lights up. And for one perfect second, you remember you’re just meat with questions, alone in a bathroom, contemplating a lightbulb.

light bulb, art, design, the face lights up

I lean all my weight on the porcelain ledge, I draw my face closer until it touches the mirror. The eyes, nose, and mouth disappear. Nothing is left. Brown wrinkles show on each side of the feverish swelled lips, crevices, mole holes. A silky, white down covers the great slopes of the cheeks, two hairs protrude from the nostrils: it is a geological embossed map. And, in spite of everything, this lunar world is familiar to me. I cannot say I recognize the details. But the whole thing gives me an impression of something seen before which stupefies me: I slip quietly off to sleep.
Jean-Paul Sartre, Nausea

Three Week Charlie

Three weeks on the planet and already he’s got more gravitas than most people I’ve met in waiting rooms and corporate offices across this increasingly plastic world. Those eyes, Christ, those eyes, they’re not just looking at you, they’re looking through you, taking inventory of every lie you’ve ever told yourself, every shortcut you’ve taken, every time you’ve chosen comfort over truth.

Van Gogh got it right, which seems appropriate since he was batshit crazy and could see things the rest of us miss while we’re busy scrolling through our phones. Something infinite in a baby’s eyes. Yeah. I see it. It’s fucking terrifying.

Three Week Charlie doesn’t know yet that the world is full of people who peaked in high school, politicians who lie before breakfast, and the soul-crushing realization that your best years might already be behind you. He doesn’t know about traffic jams or tax returns or the quiet desperation that settles into most people somewhere around their thirtieth birthday. He just knows warmth, hunger, the sound of voices he trusts.

How do I live up to that? How do I look into eyes that pure and promise I won’t fuck it all up? That I’ll show him the good stuff, the way light hits the water at dusk, what it means to stand up for something that matters, the importance of treating people with dignity?
I can’t promise that. I’ll screw up.

But maybe that’s not the point. Maybe the point is that Charlie’s watching, learning, absorbing. And I better bring my A-game. Because those eyes see everything. And they deserve better than my half-assed bullshit.

If one feels the need of something grand, something infinite, something that makes one feel aware of God, one need not go far to find it. I think that I see something deeper, more infinite, more eternal than the ocean in the expression of the eyes of a little baby when it wakes in the morning and coos or laughs because it sees the sun shining on its cradle.
Vincent van Gogh

Two Week Charle

I’m not built for this. Never was. The concept of being responsible for another human being, one whose skull, impossibly fragile, fits entirely in the palm of my hand, it’s terrifying in a way that makes every other fear I’ve ever had seem like amateur hour.

Two weeks. Charlie’s been breathing air for two weeks, and already I understand that everything I thought mattered before was bullshit. Complete bullshit. Tesla had it right, this tiny creature is now plugged into the machinery of existence, every photon and sound wave making contact with nerve endings so new they barely know what to do with the information. And somehow, impossibly, my DNA helped build this.

The thing nobody tells you, or maybe they did and I just couldn’t hear it over my own self-absorption, is that you’re not prepared. I thought I was. I read things, we had a plan, I imagined myself rising to the occasion. Then I’m holding this impossibly small person, so exhausted that I’m terrified I might suddenly fall asleep and drop him, and realizing I’ve never been more unqualified for anything in my life.

His head in my hand. Warm. Real. Breathing. This almost abstract concept of “consequence” suddenly has a face, literally the size of a fucking grapefruit, and needs me not to screw up. The weight of that is crushing and clarifying all at once.

I spent years cultivating detachment, irony, a protective shell of cynicism. Two weeks old and Charlie has obliterated all of it. I’m raw. I’m exposed. I’m standing here looking at this tiny engine Tesla wrote about, and I’m thinking: How? How did I make something like this? Something perfect, when I am so definitively imperfect?

I don’t have answers. Just this overwhelming sense that I’m in something now, something real and permanent and utterly irreversible.

When a child is born its sense-organs are brought in contact with the outer world. The waves of sound, heat and light beat upon its feeble body, its sensitive nerve-fibres quiver, the muscles contract and relax in obedience: a gasp, a breath, and in this act a marvelous little engine, of inconceivable delicacy and complexity of construction, unlike any on earth, is hitched to the wheel-work of the Universe.
Nikola Tesla

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