Shakespeare’s Sonnet 1 is basically a passive-aggressive guilt trip dressed up in iambic pentameter. “From fairest creatures we desire increase”, translate that from Elizabethan for what it really means: you’re too goddamn beautiful to keep it all to yourself, so make a baby already. But here’s Ava on my boat, reciting this thing, and neither of us are hearing the baby part. We’re hearing the other shit.
“Feed’st thy light’s flame with self-substantial fuel, / Making a famine where abundance lies.” That’s the line, isn’t it? That’s the one that lands when you’re sitting on a boat named after a broken-down horse in the Berkeley Marina, watching something die that we both maybe loved but couldn’t figure out how to save. Self-substantial fuel. Burning yourself up. A famine where abundance lies.
The Berkeley Marina at the end of something is about as romantically desolate as it gets without being obvious about it. Not the Golden Gate, not Big Sur, not some wind-swept dramatic bullshit. Just boats that mostly don’t go anywhere, water that’s half-polluted, the Bay Bridge in the distance like a reminder of all the places were not going.
Here’s what Sonnet 1 actually is: it’s about narcissism. Shakespeare’s calling out someone who’s “contracted to thine own bright eyes,” too in love with their own reflection to give anything away. “Tender churl” making “waste in niggarding.” Hoarding yourself.
But when it’s over, when you’re both sitting there knowing it’s over, that accusation doesn’t land the way Shakespeare meant it. Because maybe we were both doing that. Maybe that’s what endings are: two people who ran out of the ability to be generous with each other, who got too small, too careful, too eaten up by their own needs.
And she’s reciting this. Not reading it, reciting it. Which means she knew it, had it in her head, chose it. That’s either the most honest thing or the cruelest, and I suspect it’s both. The gluttony of endings: eating what should have fed the world. Both of you complicit. Both of you the grave.
Ava Roy, Shakespeare’s Sonnet #1
































