You are certainly welcome to read through this whole thing and confirm for yourself that it’s pretty standard stuff like what iTunes and most porn sites use, OR you can review, word for word, the following terms and conditions (‘Terms of Use’) that govern your use and purchase of products (collectively, ‘Use’) of jamescahrleslyons.com (collectively, ‘My Site’), which I basically cut-and-pasted from somewhere else (you shouldn’t even assume I’ve read this thing from beginning to end). BUT your Use of My Site constitutes your agreement to follow and be bound by the Terms of Use. So this is like a totally binding agreement like the kind lawyers and shit use. Think of it as MY HOUSE, OUR RULES.
General
Please review the following terms and conditions (‘Terms of Use’) and my other policies that govern your visit to my Site and your use and purchase of products from my Site (collectively, ‘Use’). Your Use of my Site constitutes your acceptance of, and agreement to follow and be bound by, such policies and by the Terms of Use. Jamie Lyons reserves the right, at any time, to modify, alter or update my Site, policies and these Terms of Use.
Site Contents
Unless otherwise noted, the design of the Site, the Site as a whole, and all materials that are part of the Site (collectively, ‘Contents’) are copyrights, trademarks, trade dress or other intellectual properties owned, controlled or licensed by Jamie Lyons or my subsidiaries and affiliates.
Comments, Feedback and Other Submissions
I kinda of welcome your comments and feedback regarding my Site, my products and my services, because I have to. I do not, however, accept confidential or proprietary information, because it could get me into trouble. The legal kind. Accordingly, all comments, feedback, ideas, suggestions, materials, information and other submissions disclosed, submitted or offered to Jamie Lyons using this Site or otherwise (collectively, ‘Comments’) are not confidential and will become and remain Jamie Lyons’ property. Which means, in case that wasn’t clear, I own that shit and can post it all day long! The disclosure, submission or offer of any Comments will constitute an assignment to Jamie Lyons of all worldwide rights, titles and interests and goodwill in the Comments without payment of any compensation (this seems like a good deal for me). Comments submitted by you must not violate any right of any third party, and must not contain any libelous, abusive, obscene or otherwise unlawful material (this is known as the NOT COOL/NO ASSHOLE RULE). The Contents are intended solely for your personal, noncommercial use. Music may not be copied except only as necessary to access the Site. You may copy other Contents displayed on the Site for your personal, noncommercial use only (you should know I have real trust issues). No right, title or interest in any Contents is granted or transferred to you as a result of any such copying. Except as noted above, you may not reproduce, publish, transmit, distribute, display, modify, create derivative works from, sell or participate in any sale of, or exploit in any way, any of the Contents or the Site (but some of you will anyway, probably). Unauthorized use of the Contents is expressly prohibited by law, and may result in severe civil and criminal penalties. You might want to look up the word SEVERE, if you’re thinking about screwing with me.
Links to Other Websites and Services
This Site may include links to other Internet sites maintained by third parties (‘Linked Sites’). Jamie Lyons provides Linked Sites to you solely as a convenience (you’re welcome), and the inclusion of Linked Sites does not imply endorsement by Jamie Lyons of the Linked Sites, so don’t even go there. You access Linked Sites at your own risk and by accessing them you leave the Jamie Lyons Site (b’bye!). Linked Sites are not under the control of Jamie Lyons and I sure as hell am not responsible for the contents of any Linked Site.
Merchandise lailability
Merchandise availability on my website is not guaranteed as it may be low in stock, because this has not proven to be a money-making venture yet. If merchandise is not available by the time your order processes, I will notify you of this via e-mail. You can always verify availability by emailing sales@spectaclism.com. You will receive a shipping confirmation e-mail once your items have shipped. I hope.
Product Information
Jamie Lyons products displayed on the Site are quoted in U.S. dollars, unless otherwise indicated. Please note that while I have tried to accurately display the colors of products, the actual colors you see will depend on your monitor and may not be accurate. Fortunately, there’s a lot of black-and-white stuff on the site too, so if you’re paranoid about color translation, maybe you should stick to the monochrome shit. But you’ll be missing out.
Disclaimer, Limitation of Liability and Indemnity
this is in all caps, so imagine someone reading it real loud:
EXCEPT AS OTHERWISE EXPRESSLY PROVIDED, THIS SITE, ALL CONTENTS AND ALL PRODUCTS AND SERVICES ARE PROVIDED ON AN ‘AS IS’ BASIS. JAMIE LYONS DISCLAIMS ALL WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EITHER EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING WITHOUT LIMITATION, IMPLIED WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTIBILITY (is this a word?) AND FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE. JAMIE LYONS DOES NOT WARRANT THAT YOUR USE OF THIS SITE WILL BE UNINTERRUPTED OR ERROR FREE (no shit), OR THAT THIS SITE OR ITS SERVER ARE FREE OF VIRUSES OR OTHER HARMFUL ELEMENTS (though we do wear gloves and masks when handling merchandize). ALTHOUGH JAMIE LYONS ENDEAVORS TO PROVIDE ACCURATE INFORMATION, IT DOES NOT WARRANT OR MAKE ANY REPRESENTATIONS REGARDING THE ACCURACY OR RELIABILITY OF INFORMATION ON THIS SITE (“best efforts”, lads). YOUR USE OF THE SITE IS AT YOUR OWN RISK (you may want to read that sentence again). NEITHER JAMIE LYONS NOR ITS AFFILIATED OR RELATED ENTITIES OR ITS VENDORS OR CONTENT PROVIDERS SHALL BE LIABLE TO ANY PERSON OR ENTITY FOR ANY DIRECT OR INDIRECT LOSS, DAMAGE (WHETHER ACTUAL, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE, SPECIAL OR OTHERWISE), INJURY, CLAIM, OR LIABILITY OF ANY KIND OR CHARACTER WHATSOEVER BASED UPON OR RESULTING FROM YOUR USE OR INABILITY TO USE THIS SITE, OR ANY INFORMATION OR MATERIALS PROVIDED ON THE SITE (wow. that kind of gives me something like TOTAL power over you). JAMIE LYONS IS NOT LIABLE FOR ANY DEFAMATORY, OFFENSIVE OR ILLEGAL CONDUCT OF ANY USER. IF YOU ARE DISSATISFIED WITH THE SITE OR ANY MATERIALS ON THE SITE, OR WITH ANY OF JAMIE LYONS’ TERMS OF USE, YOUR SOLE AND EXCLUSIVE REMEDY IS TO DISCONTINUE USING THE SITE (the Love it or Leave it Clause: I guess you could write shitty tweets about me or something. but I have a lot of time on my hands and might tweet your ass right back). YOU AGREE TO INDEMNIFY, DEFEND AND HOLD HARMLESS JAMIE LYONS, ITS SHAREHOLDERS, OFFICERS, DIRECTORS, EMPLOYEES, AGENTS, DISTRIBUTORS, VENDORS AND AFFILIATES FROM AND AGAINST ANY AND ALL THIRD PARTY CLAIMS, DEMANDS, LIABILITIES, COSTS OR EXPENSES, INCLUDING REASONABLE ATTORNEYS’ FEES, RESULTING OR ARISING OUT OF YOUR BREACH OF ANY OF THESE TERMS OF USE (this makes us sound a lot bigger than I actually am).
Denial of Access
Think of this as the NO SHOES, NO SHIRT, NO SERVICE clause. Basically, these Terms of Use constitute an agreement that is effective unless and until terminated with extreme prejudice by Jamie Lyons. If in my sole discretion you fail to comply with any term or provision of this agreement, Jamie Lyons may totally deny you access to the Site. Can you imagine? If this happens, you are no longer authorized to access the Site, and the restrictions imposed upon you with respect to material copied or downloaded, and the disclaimers and limitations of liabilities set forth in these Terms of Use, shall continue in force, and I mean like gale wind force, brother. These Terms of Use constitute the entire agreement between you and Jamie Lyons relating to the subject matter addressed herein. Console yourself with the fact our relationship isn’t physical.
Applicable Law
The law applicable to the interpretation and construction of these Terms of Use and any transaction (including purchases made on this Site) using or related to the Site, shall be the laws of the State of New York, USA without regard to principles of conflict of laws (okay, that actually makes no sense, in my opinion. But it’s in there anyway). You agree that all matters relating to your access to or use of the Site, including all disputes, will be governed by the laws of the United States and by the laws of the State of California. All proceedings relating to the Site, these Terms of Use, or any transaction, including the sale of any products, using this Site, shall be brought only in the state or federal courts of San Francisco, California, USA, and you and Jamie Lyons do hereby consent to the jurisdiction and venue of such courts.
AGREE
(I can’t even afford to make this a button)