Welcome to the most exciting page of my website! As a customer of mine, your trust is my third, at worst fourth most important asset, after your love and/or money. I take the protection and proper use of your personal information seriously and am COMMITTED to protecting any of your personal information that ends up in my possession. In order to preserve your trust/love/money, I want you to understand what personally identifiable or personal information I may collect from you, how I “use” such information, and the “choices” you have regarding my use of this information! And not just because I have to–it’s the law!
Here we go: The following discloses my information collection, use and dissemination practices for JamesCharlesLyons.com, a website of Jamie Lyons. Effective Date: This Privacy Policy was last updated on May 23, 2020 and is subject to change at any time. Just imagine a really unstable friend that hasn’t quite dialed in their meds yet.
In this policy, the words “we”, “our”, and “us” refer to the Jamie Lyons “family” of companies and the phrases “personally identifiable information” or “personal information” mean any information by which you can be identified or contacted, such as your “name” (first and last), address (city, state, zip), e-mail address, telephone number, etc. “We” do this because we’re like the Queen.
Categories of Information I Collect
We–and the entire Jamie Lyons “family” of companies, which number precisely zero–are obsessed with collecting personally identifiable information about you and what you do.
Stuff like:
registering for a shopping account on my “website”
requesting that merchandise be “sent” to you or others, place an “order” with me or request an e-receipt
“subscribing” to jamescharleslyons.com E-mail Updates (my e-mail newsletter). I don’t have one right now, but who knows.
applying for an “account” with us
“interacting” with my mobile sites, mobile applications and services
working with my “employees” who assist you with your “needs” and purchases through communications with you, or through the Jamie Lyons family of companies
I or we may also collect personal information about you from other third parties, such as demographic firms or friends of yours who talk too much when they drink, to make my future service and marketing efforts more efficient and totally personalized for you. I also gather certain information automatically and store it in log files, which burn very cleanly. For example, this information may include Internet Protocol (IP) addresses or other device identifiers, browser information, Internet Service Provider (ISP), operating system, location, date/time stamp and clickstream data. If that all sounds really intimidating, it’s because it should. The government, Google, Facebook are all doing this, the difference is they are actually looking at it and tracking you.
How I Use Your Information
It’s pretty much a classic case of you give and I take. I take the personal information I collect to conduct my business and to provide you with the best possible products, services and experience. I mean, why else would I want this crap? I might share your personally identifiable information with other members of the Jamie Lyons “family” of companies–it’s totally up to me!–and with service providers that provide support services to me or that help me market my products and services. But really, doesn’t using words like “family” make you feel better? By the way, service providers/third parties who perform services on my behalf are contractually restricted from using your information in any manner other than in helping me provide you with the products and services available from Jamie Lyons, but you can’t control everything everybody does in this world, can you? No, you absolutely can’t. I may also, in certain instances, disclose your personally identifiable information when I have reason to believe that it is necessary to identify you, contact you, or bring legal action–which is really fun and expensive!–to protect your rights or the rights of Jamie Lyons or others. I may also disclose your personally identifiable information when you ask me to do so or when I believe it is required by law. But that’s really it.
Your Personal Account
One of my most valuable “tools” I have for building and maintaining my “relationship” with you is Your Personal Account. It allows me to do things a BFF should do, like keeping you informed on when your product will arrive, and notifying you about sales, special appearances and store events or promotions of interest to me. Whoops. I mean YOU! ANYWAY! I record and access information in Your Personal Account, including your name, address, telephone numbers, e-mail address, interests, privacy preferences, purchase history, shoe size, hair color and vocal ability, which all seems totally reasonable and innocent. All Jamie Lyons representatives are expected to use Your Personal Account in an ethical and appropriate manner, but the hiring process is an imperfect one, and sometimes a weirdo can convince you initially that he/she isn’t weird. Have you noticed that? These “employees” are supposed to only enter accurate customer information, voluntarily given by you to the them, for the specific purpose of entering it into Your Personal Account or any other Jamie Lyons-approved data device (the key phrase there is “supposed to”). Now, that may strike you as ominous, but really your Personal Account allows me to follow through on my commitment to serving you in a professional manner, and I am “dedicated” to ensuring that the information you provide is “protected” and “secure”. Your Personal Account is the property of Jamie Lyons and may be used for Jamie Lyons-related purposes only. Uh-huh. Sure.
Mobile Privacy
Jamie Lyons may “offer” mobile applications (commonly known as “apps”) that “allow” you to shop online, check product availability, learn about store events, or receive other information from Jamie Lyons. All personal information collected by Jamie Lyons via my hypothetical mobile application is protected by this Privacy Policy. Try reading this shit on your phone! You can’t!
Our current platform does not require that your browser be set to accept cookies to access certain features. Here’s a question for you: If I were to say that cookies are small bits of information that are sent by a website to be stored in your web browser, so that the cookie can later be read back from your browser the next time you return to that website, would you even know what the hell I was talking about? If so, then maybe you could it explain to me. Wikipedia says the cookie is saved as a text file in the browser’s directory and is stored in RAM while the browser is running, and that the cookie may be stored on the computer’s hard drive once you leave the website, but can you really trust Wikipedia? Rest assured Jamie Lyons is committed to looking like I am improving your experience with my website, and cookies may be the only way to effectively identify a unique anonymous visitor and understand how they navigate my website. An anonymous visitor to my site remains anonymous in all cases, in addition to being really annoying, like those people who read magazines without paying for them. I do not attempt to identify visitors if they do not voluntarily register on my website or place an order, even though I find this behavior VERY SUSPICIOUS. Really, why don’t you want me to know who you are? I have been told again and again cookies cannot be used to retrieve personal data from your hard drive, install a virus, get your e-mail address, or obtain any information about who you are, but that just sounds like something I would say to make you feel better. In theory, I only use the information that I gather from the use of cookies to understand usage patterns, offer personalized features, or to isolate problems experienced by visitors to my website, and even if they could be used for other purposes, I wouldn’t know what they are.
The bottom line is the use of cookies is a standard Internet practice and most major websites use them. And let’s be clear: THIS IS A MAJOR WEBSITE. So… Cookies allow me to:
Recognize you as a returning visitor.
Store and retrieve items in your Shopping Bag and in your Wish List. (I don’t have this feature yet, but it’d be cool if I did.
The Use of Cookies
I continue to talk about this even though I shouldn’t have to because apparently some people have very serious issues with cookies (these are the kind of people that talk about being “off the grid”, and won’t look you in the eye). Or maybe you just need to know more because you’re that kind of person. Or maybe you really don’t have anything else going right now. Supposedly, a cookie is a small data file that websites often store on your computer’s hard drive when you visit their websites, and may contain information (such as a unique user ID) that is used to track the pages of the websites you’ve visited. That sure sounds plausible to me. This information is stored in a safe and secure database, which, as I said, is housed in a super secret location on the surface of the moon. Seriously, I only use cookies in order to improve your shopping experience. I actually don’t even like them–they’re a total pain in the ass–but I use them anyway because when you visit jamescharleslyons.com, your cookie helps me keep track of your order as you shop on this website. AND, if you have saved your information with me, your cookie totally allows me to be like “Yo Dude, you’re back!” when you return to my website and provides you with like total access to your account information! Also, it seems totally likely if you saved your information with or order from me, I could use cookies to monitor and maintain information about your use of my website. Here’s something else that’s likely: If you have not saved your information with or ordered from me, I may monitor and maintain information about your use of my website in a manner that does not identify you. But when you really, really think about it, like scrunch your forehead, it’s obvious this information helps me serve you better by improving my website design, as well as my products, services and promotions. Right? But there’s another way to look at it: I may also use cookies to track and maintain the identity of the website you visited immediately prior to mine to further improve my website design and to fulfill contracts with my business partners. Did you ever think about that? If so, you might think I track information about your use of other websites. But I don’t. I couldn’t even if I wanted to. But I don’t want to. And hey, it’s a free country, (of course it’s not, there are some serious inequalities and injustices) and you can refuse cookies by turning them off in your browser. But you know what happens when you do that? What happens is i will not be able to track your order or enable you to make a purchase from my website. And I won’t be able to recognize you as a signed-up user to allow you access to your account information. Is that really how you want to go through life? Unrecognizable? It would be like wearing a mask over your face as you go out into the world… And we now all know how much that sucks.
Third-Party Tracking
Pretty much your worst nightmare, if you hate the idea of being watched, tracked, surveilled, or analyzed by Google, because I use Google Analytics, Google AdWords Conversion tracker, Google Display Advertising, Google Remarketing and other Google services that place cookies on a browser across the website. Make no mistake, like everything else in this world, these cookies are set and read by Google. Seriously, they just broke through a huge barrier with Quantum Computing in order to track everything you do faster! So if you really feel like breaking into a sweat, please visit this page. To opt out of Google tracking (Ha! Good luck!), please visit this page. I may use Google Remarketing to market my sites across the web. I and third-party vendors, including Google, use first-party cookies (such as the Google Analytics cookie) and third-party cookies (such as the DoubleClick cookie) together to inform, optimize, and serve ads based on someone’s past visits to my website, which may be the most sinister sentence ever committed to print, if it weren’t for this one: I place a cookie on a browser, and then a 3rd party (Google) reads these cookies and may serve an ad on a 3rd party site. You may opt out of this ad serving on Google’s opt out page. If you are concerned about 3rd party cookies served by networks, you should also visit the Network Advertising Initiative opt-out page, the Google Ads Preferences Manager, and the Google Analytics Opt-out Browser Add-on. Ivfind all of this stuff terrifying, but apparently it’s the only way to learn about my customers and be all 21st Century and shit.
Social Media Interactions
Look, I’m cool with you “sharing” your likes, finds and purchases with your friends using Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Instagram, etc., BUT if you choose to use these tools, you may be sharing certain “profile elements”, including your “comments”. This sharing is subject to each social media program’s privacy policies, which means you may have to read another piece of bullshit like this if you haven’t already. My theory is that no one really knows what they’re giving up anymore anyway. I do also “use” Facebook Social Plugins to allow Facebook to share information and friends’ activities with its members while they are on the website, because they’re as piggy as Google when it comes to their shit. Don’t believe us? Well, Social Plugins allow Facebook to show you and your friends’ “Likes” on my product pages if you are logged into Facebook while shopping at jamescharleslyons.com. Does that seem fair to you? But Jamie Lyons does not receive or control any of the content from Facebook Social Plugins. Does that seem fair to me? To remove a Facebook “Like” through this website, place your cursor in the “grayed out” Like button and click on the “X” that appears (who knows, maybe it will even work!). Theoretically, this removes the “Like” from your Facebook Page, as well as from this websites. You can also delete comments made while at jamescharleslyons.com from your Facebook Page. And hey: Good luck with that, too. I may allow you to sign in to your jamescharleslyons.com account using Facebook Connect, but if you choose to do this, I may collect information necessary to facilitate social interactions such as friend lists, birthday, check-ins, basic profile information and your profile picture but only if the privacy settings you, your friends and Russia set within Facebook allow it. Seriously though, I don’t have enough people to follow what you’re up to, (it’s really just me and my dog) and this is a niche business anyway. I MIGHT use the information I collect to create and facilitate an interactive social experience and to bring you products, services and programs from Jamie Lyons, but don’t count on it. Jamie Lyons will always comply both with its privacy policy as well as with Facebook Connect terms regarding use of Facebook profile information. Always. Because I’m not Putin.
Links to Other Websites and Services
It’s like this: If I link you to shit, it doesn’t mean I endorse it, and when you link to that shit, you’ve left my site (where you are safe and warm), and I can’t help what happens to you, and if something does happen to you, it ain’t on me. Every site has it’s own rules, and they may not be as cool as I am, so watch out. OOOO Baby, it’s a wild world out there.
Children’s Privacy
You not supposed to be here if your under 18, although I don’t understand that at all what with the shit that’s on TV and Donald Trump as President. But, that being said, don’t help some kid get on this site. I can’t have kids here (because of the Ryan and Angrette, maybe?) and I don’t want their info. If I find out there’s a kid on this site, I’m going to have to start blurring out nipples and nobody wants that.
Security
Do I want to protect my shit and your information? Hells yes. So I’m using Secure Sockets Layer (SSL) to encrypt your credit card number, name and address, so only I can pour over your information and find out what you’re really up to. If that’s still not enough, look at the bottom status bar of your browser window. If you see an unbroken key or a closed lock (depending on your browser) the SSL is active and your information is secure. Most browsers offer additional security alerts, as well, but I find that the very word “browser” makes me feel very insecure indeed. With regard to “overall security”, I always use industry standard encryption technologies when transferring and receiving data exchanged with my site, and we all know how well that works. The facilities that house my servers are physically secured to protect against the loss, misuse or alteration of all data and information collected. I use Amazon, like everybody else, and I have absolutely no idea where my servers are–they won’t tell us. It’s Jeff Bezos, so maybe ny the time you’re reading this they’re in orbit?
If you’re super paranoid, review your account and immediately report any unexpected activity to me and your issuing bank or credit card company. Additionally, I am asking all my customers to “take measures” to help protect personal information in their online accounts, including the following:Install the latest security updates and anti-virus software on your computer to help prevent malware and viruses
Reset your e-mail account password. Do it, do it now.
Use complex passwords (a minimum of 7 alpha/numeric cAsE sEnsitive characters)
Do not use the same password on more than one website
Do not share your password with others and don’t get in a car with strangers
Sign out/log off website sessions so that your session is closed and cannot be accessed by another user on the same computer, especially when using a public computer or terminal. Or if your partner is super suspicious.
Visit these additional resources: https://www.cisa.gov/topics/cyber-threats-and-advisories; ;
Use of Email Addresses
I am in your life now, and I am never going to let you forget it. If you don’t want that, Opt-Out: jamescharleslyons.com provides the option to remove your information from my database at any time. If you are on my promotional lists and would like to be removed, simply send an email to mail@spectaclism.com with “Unsubscribe” as the subject line and I will totally respect your choice (even though it’s wrong) in wanting to unsubscribe to marketing communications from then on. Please allow up to 10 days for your email to be removed from my database. Did I say days? I meant years.
Fraud Alerts: Protecting Your Personal Information
You may come in contact with websites, e-mails or texts that try to lure/seduce/cajole/browbeat you into providing personal information with the offer of a Jamie Lyons gift card or some other promotion. There is no such thing! Jamie Lyons does not sponsor these offers nor am I affiliated with the promotion originators. I hate getting these crappy emails! If you become aware of any potentially fraudulent activity on a website or in an e-mail or text, please forward the information to mail@spectaclism.com so that I can follow up. I take these matters, and the protection of my customers’ sensitive information, so seriously you wouldn’t fucking believe it.
Business Transitions
As I continue to develop my “business”, I may undergo a business “transition” such as acquiring another company (HA!), merging with an existing company (Unlikely), or selling a portion of my “assets” (Hmmmmm). But c’mon, I seriously doubt it. However, in such transitions, customer information is typically one of the business assets that is transferred or acquired by a third party, and let’s face it: You guys are special. In the (very) unlikely event that Jamie Lyons or substantially all of its assets are acquired or enter a court proceeding, you acknowledge that such transfers may occur and that your Personal Information can continue to be used as set forth in this Privacy Policy. But really, this is very unlikely. I’m just going to keep saying that until you believe it.
Policy Changes and Consent
This “policy” would replace all previous disclosures I may have provided you about my information practices, if I’d ever had such a thing before, which I haven’t. I do reserve the right to change this policy as often as the weather if I fucking want to, and to apply any changes to information previously collected, as permitted by the actual law, dude. If there are material changes to this policy or my information practices “change” in the future, they will be posted on my website as appropriate and will be effective from the nanosecond of posting. jamescharleslyons.com is operated in the United States, actually California, the U.S. is a mess right now.
Transfer of Data Outside of Your Home Country
If you are located outside the United States, any information you provide to me will be transferred to the United States, and by using my website or otherwise providing me with information, you hereby consent to this transfer. Now, only you know if that is going to get you thrown into a dark room and questioned by a Seal Team, so think about that. Although personal information collected by me through my website, emails, mail, fax (in case you’re still stuck in the 90s), and telephone is used by me in accordance with this privacy policy, laws generally applicable to the protection of personal data in the U.S. may not be as stringent as those in other countries. In fact, they probably aren’t. If you submit data to me about other individuals, you agree, and I assume, that you have obtained consent from each such individual to the submission, transfer and processing of the information. Seems like a lot of work, though.
Additional Information
If you’re not “comfortable” shopping online (and would prefer to make your purchase via telephone), that may be tricky. My Customer Service Representatives will be happy to assist you. But they’d don’t exist. Really. I don’t have the time. Because of that, jamescharleslyons.com may link to unaffiliated third party websites. Like I said before, this Privacy Policy does not apply to unaffiliated third party websites.
If you have questions regarding my Privacy Policy please contact me at: mail@spectaclism.com
The examples contained in this Privacy Policy are illustrations only, and are not intended to be exhaustive. But they sure fucking felt like it.