i’m not interested in documenting
documenting is boring
documenting is recording facts
and facts are not particularly interesting
i often worry that photographing performance
is a violent act
even when i photograph my own work
i’m concerned
that there is some form of displacement
I often see photographers
use their cameras as weapons
machine gunning the performers
with the hopes that 1 of the 1000 images
captures the moment
this i find extremely violent
a point of view is interesting
feelings or impressions are fascinating
my approach
because i am not a photographer
that is
I view the camera as a tool
i use within a broader artistic practice…
to be clearer on this point
consider a novelist
one day they might write with a pencil
the next day
a typeriter
another day
a pen
as a typewriter is for the writer
the camera is for me
and just as the novelist knows his “s” key sometimes sticks
i know my 35mm lens overly vignettes
when wide open
it’s just a tool i use
as a means to express something
something i’m still struggling to understand
and with this tool
i capture images for myself
as if they were sketches
in a work journal
the only thing my photos document
are my own feelings
which is mostly what i see
when I look back at my own work
i don’t rush in and out
it takes time for me to understand
to form feelings … attachments
… relationships …
not just with the people
but with the space/environment
we inhabit
when collaborating
i often have a general understanding
i’ve read the play
studied it in school
imagined it brought to life
but when i show up
i realize my preconceived ideas
which may be manifested or not
are my ideas
ones that i am pushing onto someone else’s work
preventing me from being present
taking me out of the moment before me
truth comes to me
little by little
i think
truth is temporal
truth can come suddenly too
moments like this only happen
when I know the collaborators
i’ve breathed with them over time
so that i see them
as if they were standing before me naked
and they in turn see me naked
with my vulnerabilities and insecurities
we see each other
with no judgment
only with our hearts
when that happens
and i have been very fortunate
to work with people who make this very easy
the images somehow become
more than my personal sketches
capturing some semblance of a truth
in the performance
it’s a question of trust
to capture such moments
it’s the game of yes
where you open yourself up to another
as Joyce writes
in the last lines of Ulysses…
“…I asked him with my eyes to ask again yes and then he asked me would I yes to say yes my mountain flower and first I put my arms around him yes and drew him down to me so he could feel my breasts all perfume yes and his heart was going like mad and yes I said yes I will Yes. “aJames Joyce, Ulysses, 1922 edition
it’s only then
i feel
that i see the truth
References